The Ultimate Test of My Willpower

In the three months that I have been enmeshed in this boycott, there have been a number of unforeseen snafus, as well as a few positive experiences.

This experience takes the prize for the worst, most frustrating and quite possibly most difficult challenge until January 1, 2008.

You are forewarned!

I was reading a blog from a friend which linked to another blog which then linked to some guy's blog about his sexploits, which may or may not be true; it really doesn't matter. The point is, the stories got me all aroused in the wee hours of the morning, which is all well and good except that my lover was at work.

So, being the sex loving, self-pleasing feminist that I am, I figured I would go to bed and take care of this intense desire myself.

Things were going along well, the pleasurable feelings were flowing...and then...and then...the unthinkable happened!

My most favorite vibrator, the steadfastly reliable Silver Bullet, became completely unreliable.

In fact, the f'ing thing died on me!

Right in the middle of things!

It died!

Now, I don't mean "the batteries are dead, gotta get out of bed with sticky fingers to find a new set" kind of died, I mean the "it ain't never gonna work again" kind of died!

At first I tried to tell myself that the Silver Bullet had a variable speed setting and the spurts and sputters were normal.

This was crap though and no matter how good things were feeling I couldn't bring myself to believe that line. I've had this trusty vibe for about five years now and it never spurted and sputtered.

This certainly was not the time for it to start now!

I was beside myself and the erotic desires of the moment were rapidly fading away, cackling at my intense misfortune.

Now, I am well aware of the fact that there are endless, non-vibrator induced ways of having an orgasm, but that was not what I was looking for at this particular moment!

I WANTED THE GODDAMN SILVER BULLET TO WORK AND I WANTED IT TO WORK NOW!!!!

It wasn't happening and neither was that orgasm.

Do I need to mention that this vibrator is made in China?

Isn't goddamn everything made in China?????

Well, no. The Fun Factory vibes are made in Germany but they cost about as much as a year's worth of batteries and as far as I know, they don't make the Silver Bullet! Besides, I have several others. The point is I wanted this one to work and it took the great and final sleep.

Worse than that, if I am going to adhere to this miserable boycott, I won't have a new one until January 1, 2008!!!!!!

I know second had/previously used purchases are OK, and I do consider myself to be an open-minded individual, but in this case, I'll hold out until I am the sole owner/user!

I'm beginning the countdown to a new vibrator, 'er, new year right now.....