The Ultimate Test of My Willpower

In the three months that I have been enmeshed in this boycott, there have been a number of unforeseen snafus, as well as a few positive experiences.

This experience takes the prize for the worst, most frustrating and quite possibly most difficult challenge until January 1, 2008.

You are forewarned!

I was reading a blog from a friend which linked to another blog which then linked to some guy's blog about his sexploits, which may or may not be true; it really doesn't matter. The point is, the stories got me all aroused in the wee hours of the morning, which is all well and good except that my lover was at work.

So, being the sex loving, self-pleasing feminist that I am, I figured I would go to bed and take care of this intense desire myself.

Things were going along well, the pleasurable feelings were flowing...and then...and then...the unthinkable happened!

My most favorite vibrator, the steadfastly reliable Silver Bullet, became completely unreliable.

In fact, the f'ing thing died on me!

Right in the middle of things!

It died!

Now, I don't mean "the batteries are dead, gotta get out of bed with sticky fingers to find a new set" kind of died, I mean the "it ain't never gonna work again" kind of died!

At first I tried to tell myself that the Silver Bullet had a variable speed setting and the spurts and sputters were normal.

This was crap though and no matter how good things were feeling I couldn't bring myself to believe that line. I've had this trusty vibe for about five years now and it never spurted and sputtered.

This certainly was not the time for it to start now!

I was beside myself and the erotic desires of the moment were rapidly fading away, cackling at my intense misfortune.

Now, I am well aware of the fact that there are endless, non-vibrator induced ways of having an orgasm, but that was not what I was looking for at this particular moment!

I WANTED THE GODDAMN SILVER BULLET TO WORK AND I WANTED IT TO WORK NOW!!!!

It wasn't happening and neither was that orgasm.

Do I need to mention that this vibrator is made in China?

Isn't goddamn everything made in China?????

Well, no. The Fun Factory vibes are made in Germany but they cost about as much as a year's worth of batteries and as far as I know, they don't make the Silver Bullet! Besides, I have several others. The point is I wanted this one to work and it took the great and final sleep.

Worse than that, if I am going to adhere to this miserable boycott, I won't have a new one until January 1, 2008!!!!!!

I know second had/previously used purchases are OK, and I do consider myself to be an open-minded individual, but in this case, I'll hold out until I am the sole owner/user!

I'm beginning the countdown to a new vibrator, 'er, new year right now.....

A Big Friggin' Tiara

Hello! Did anyone miss me? I've been caught in a desperate vortex with getting ready to move and avoiding my birthday being the two largest usurpers of my time. I hope you will forgive me.

I'm going to be 30 on the 30th (my golden year...yippee) and to celebrate/flaunt/regress- I want a big friggin' tiara to wear all day long.

The only problem?

You guessed it!

Made in China!

Granted, I did not spend an enormous amount of time looking for the big friggin' tiara, but they seem as elusive as a unicorn, or as elusive as an item not made in China.

I spent about two hours in a mall in Northbrook, Illinois looking for a tiara, and the only place I could find them were at Claire's. I used to love that store when I was a wee teen, way back in my younger days. Now however, I am unable to purchase just about everything that they sell. All of the tiaras which would fit on my humble, goddess head were on the banned list. (As were the ones made for little girls, in case you were curious!)

My solution?

Why, Ebay of course!

In a matter of a half hour or so, I had managed to procure a rather decent looking tiara for less than $5 (remember, second hand purchases are ok) in the lovely town of Schamburg, which I am told is somewhere near Chicago.

The unfortunate part?

Either I changed my address at the post office too soon or the big friggin' tiara was not yet mailed and it appears that I will not have it in time for my birthday.

Now how the hell is the world supposed to know what is so special about me?

No Luck at Best Buy, Staples

Today we went looking for two seemingly random items.

1) A CD organizer

2) A laser pointer

As we are preparing to move, Luke seems to finally agree with me that it is a grand idea to put all of your CDs in a book or small organizer instead of in all those damn plastic cases. I wish he had this epiphany last year. Every single possible combination we could come up with for organizing CDs were made in China; the zip up books, the secret agent lock boxes, even the clear sleeves that you can store in a 3 ring binder. Granted we only checked two stores so far, but the outlook isn't promising.

In case you are wondering, my two year old child side did make an appearance when I proclaimed that it was about time he was effected by this boycott as well. I only said it once, with a smile on my face and then we moved on to trying to find the next random item.

We've been looking for a laser pointer for our cats since the one Luke's mom gave us at Thanksgiving died. Our cats go crazy for this toy and we find it hilarious to watch. It is also the only way to really get Jezebella to exercise (perhaps she looks at us with disdain, since we could use a lot of exercise ourselves!).

We were able to find a few laser pointers made in Taiwan, but we are specifically looking for one that takes AAA sized batteries or larger, since we don't want to spend more money on the ridiculously small batteries than we did on the pointer.

If anyone knows were to buy either of these items not made in China, I'd love to hear about it. Until then, the CDs will be a mess and our cats will look like shorter, hairier versions of our unexercised selves.

Cheers!

Buying Gifts for Friends

Monday I went to the Brookfield Zoo with my friend Adam. It was a beautiful day, which can be rare in Chicago in March. As far as the boycott goes, this was an uneventful day, until we went to the gift shops.

I've already ranted plenty about how everything is made in China, but this was my first experience putting my boycott into effect when buying something for someone who was right there with me. Adam and I like to buy small souvenirs of the places we visit, which is all well and good, until you limit what you can buy.

It's a good thing that he already knows about this project, because it was very embarrassing to look at something I wanted to buy him and have to admit, out loud, that no matter how much he liked it, I couldn't buy it. I was frustrated and repeatedly questioned myself about why I was doing this. Almost all of the trinkets were "off-limits" and with each new item I found that I thought he might like, it became increasingly difficult to admit to him that I couldn't buy it.

So much of how we interact with and judge other people is based upon what we can afford to purchase as well as the goods that we buy. Sometimes, admitting to not being able to buy something feels like a weakness, a personality flaw and a failure all rolled into one. These are never feelings I enjoy.

In the end, I was able to buy Adam a small sculpture of two elephants, his favorite zoo animal. This was made possible by the fact that the "where it was made" sticker/identifier was missing off of all of the little statues, therefore, there is no obvious proof that I may have committed a violation. The flexible pencils also were without identifying origins and the candy was made in America.

Since Luke and I are the only ones subject to this boycott, I think Adam had an easier time buying me a small aardvark toy, a key chain and the Monkeys in a Barrel game.

Sticking to your principals is difficult enough in private, it can me almost mortifying when others are around to witness it. This was not something I really considered when I came up with this idea.

Thank you Julie!

Sometimes inspiration comes in mysterious ways.

My inspiration to carry on with this questionably effective act of rebellion came in the form of a maraca.

Who knew maracas were made in China? Why do I continue to be surprised by where things are made?

My best friend delivered this cheap plastic (?) object to me when we met for dinner. The object was a parting party favor from Julie. Unfortunately I was not invited to the party, but I will attribute this oversight to the fact that I live a time zone away.

At any rate, Julie, who apparently reads this blog but does not leave comments, thought I would enjoy this subtle reminder that everything is made in China.

I must admit, had I not been informed that this was a Mexican themed party, I would have had to struggle to identify this object, as it looks far more like an old fashioned colored Christmas light bulb, the kind you screw in to a large metal socket. What separated the maraca from the light bulb was the oddly shaped pseudo-wooden handle projecting out of the base.

I tried to shake the weird green and brown object, to see if it made noise, and it fell apart in my hands.

If Krazy Glue isn't banned, maybe I will adhere the two pieces better so it will be easier for others to discern what it is.

In the meantime, the plastic, made in China maraca sits on my dresser as a reminder that I may not be changing the world, but some where people are reading this and at least having an elevated awareness about where their purchases and party toys are made.

Thanks for the inspiration Julie.

(When I move back to your time zone, do I get invited to the next party?)