HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Do you know where your Halloween candy, treats and costumes were made?

The gummy worms, eyeballs, mice, etc. that my mom is giving out are made in China. The pretzels are made in PA and the chocolate I already ate, so too bad for the goblins that come our way.

My "treat" is to be stuck in class all night wearing a Halloween shirt from Old Navy which was probably made in El Salvador and a pair of kick ass calf-high patent leather black spider web boots. I don't know where they were made, but I bought them at a thrift shop in Chicago last Halloween so they are safe.

I'm going to look hot for my "made in PA" presentation tonight!

If you have any leftover chocolate candy that is not made in China, please feel free to send it my way.

What I Learned in School

In my graduate environmental health class on Monday, I learned that 90-95% of all apple juice and apple cider contains apples imported from China.

To "test" this theory, on our break, I went to the Wawa across the street and two out of the three bottles of apple juice listed apples from China, Chile, the US and a variety of other countries on the label.

This is worrisome for many reasons, the two biggest being:

1) Lack of universal environmental standards when growing or producing food products
2) If individuals become ill due to drinking apple juice, how do you ever trace back where the apples came from? I suppose this is less of a problem if a few people become ill, but what about a "Mad Cow Disease" equivalent problem?

FYI- the Tom's Juice Company (0r whatever they are called) were the only brand sold at Wawa to not list where their apples came from.

Too bad we already opened our bottle of A&P Apple Cider, which of course, after we opened it, we noticed it contains "apple concentrate from China."

I didn't even know they grew apples in China!!

I also learned that most of the garlic sold in the US comes from China instead of California.

Apparently you can tell by looking at the bottom of the garlic bulb.

If the bulb is flat, without any stringy roots hanging off it, then it was grown in China.

If there are small, scraggly roots hanging off it, then it came from California.

One more thing...

Apparently China does not have to process/refine the toxins and chemicals in the fertilizer (read treated sewage sludge...what we flush down the toilet) before feeding it to the fish raised in the fish farms which are then imported all over the world, and duh! people are getting sick from eating this fish.

Who knew the grocery store was such a minefield?

On a positive (?) note, every Monday night my classmates tell me of another product I can't buy because it is made in China.

As far as I know, none of them have read my bog, but they are thinking about my boycott. That's a bittersweet victory.

Another Thing I Never Check

I am on a role right now about my foibles!

In case you were wondering, I do not consistently check to see where the parts necessary for my auto repairs are made, even though I have chastised Luke for not checking where the windshield wipers he bought were made.

When I was completely and utterly out of oil while down the shore over the summer, I couldn't care less where the oil was made, so long as I could get enough of it into my car to keep the engine from seizing while I drove back and pondered where the hell all the oil went.

We've checked a few things, such as the new sensors for my Saturn, and even bought the more expensive gas cap to stop a vacuum seal leak because the cheaper one was made in China.

Yet when it comes to taking our cars to the mechanic, I do not ask him to find out the origins of whatever part I need.

I don't know that I am able to justify why this is. I don't think that it is out of embarrassment, I've certainly done a lot of that during this boycott. Maybe it is out of a sheer desire to get out of the mechanics as quickly as possible while spending as little money as possible. Maybe it is a realization that we can't afford to replace two cars right now and that makes these repairs an "emergency".

Whatever the reasons are, I took Luke's car in for an oil change on Friday only to learn that it needs a catalytic converter seal and a new exhaust pipe. When this work is done on Tuesday, I will have no idea where the parts were made, and even though I have plenty of time to call and ask before the work is done, I know I will not do so.

The Origins of Edamame

Apparently Saturday night was my turn to cook dinner, a task I've come to loath even more now that I moved back home and the kitchen is a shared domain. I further loath having to cook when I am really hungry, as my brain shuts down and is completely incapable of making intelligent decisions about what constitutes a well balanced meal (What do you mean Dairy Queen blizzards don't make a great dinner?).

This particular evening I decided to make shrimp, with brown rice and edamame. All I really wanted were chocolate brownies, a side of ice cream and maybe some edamame on the side, for protein. Edamame,in case you didn't know, is a fancy name for soybeans. They are often served in Japanese Restaurants and are wonderful steamed with sea salt sprinkled on top (Wonderturtle introduced me to them and we're a great match).

Re-reading this post, my meal sounds rather healthy. However, since it is blog worthy, there must be a problem.

The problem here is not the freezer burnt shrimp imported from Thailand, nor the 90 second microwave in the bag, Uncle Ben's brown rice with enough sodium to keep me afloat in a freshwater lake. The problem is the delicious Edamame purchased at my local Shoprite, by me, and, oh, that's right, MADE IN CHINA!

Never, ever did it cross my mind to check the origins of my frozen food!

This might seem ridiculous, given the fact that the garlic we used to buy in Chicago came from China; however, it truly never crossed my bleary, "I hate grocery shopping, even though this is probably easier than hunting a woolly mammoth for dinner", mind, to see where the food I eat at an Asian restaurant is made.

By all rights I had to return the food to the store and get my money back, if that was even possible.

I did not return it though. I continued to cook dinner, microwaved the Edamame instead of steaming it and instead fumed about how ridiculous it was to check where everything you want to buy is made.

Dinner was lousy, by the way. There's not much you can do, that I'm aware of, to make freezer burnt shrimp taste, well, even edible. Luke claims it was good but I suspect he was trying to end an earlier argument and was relived that he wasn't the one cooking tonight.

We had Dairy Queen Blizzards for dessert. I don't know where the contents of my blizzard were made and I didn't ask!

I wonder if all Edamame comes from China, or just the store versions. I sure do love to eat it.

Candy Bras

Last month my sister and I went to an adult store in Maine. This may be too much information for some people, but I don't see the big deal, besides, if this is too much information, you've probably skipped a lot of my blog altogether!

At any rate, I rarely say anything positive about my miserable existence in Chicago, BUT, that frozen tundra has terrific adult stores (my favorites include Tulip and The Pleasure Chest, if you are curious.)

Condom Sense has a catchy name, an ok website, and a fabulous location on the cobbled streets of Portland, Maine. They even have a few items made in America, such as the edible, glow in the dark body paint. I was even tempted to replace my long mourned Silver Bullet with a knock -off version that failed to list where it was made (Alas, however, the knock-off versions were missing some key features of the real Silver Bullet and remained in the store).

What most intrigued me about the experience though, aside from the lone salesperson who refused to get off the phone and assist curious, spend happy customers, were the candy bras and underwear.

I've seen these items before our boycott and never purchased them, for practical reasons, of course...they don't look the slightest bit comfortable. If you've never seen a candy bra before, imagine the colorful, Cheerio like candy bracelets you'd get as a kid, the kind on a flimsy string which would sometimes get caught between your teeth as you'd try to bite off your favorite sugary sweet color first. Unfortunately doing this usually resulted in you biting the crappy yellow "bead" next to the one you wanted while simultaneously creating a huge pool of drool careening down your chin and wrist.

Now imagine that same concept turned into a "bra" and, or underwear. Hot huh?

Good thing they are made in China and had to stay in the store. It saved me from trying to think of reasons why pools of sticky drool in "delicate places" were not a good idea! Monistat might like the end result, but I wouldn't!

China is Not the Enemy

Given the nature of this boycott, it may seem absurd to claim that China is not the enemy; however, I wholeheartedly believe this statement to be true.

While I believe that there is value to this boycott and I am concerned with the massive outsourcing of jobs overseas, as well as the quality of goods which we import and consume, and the little bit I understand about our burgeoning trade deficit with China, this boycott has forced me to open my eyes to the fact that our tenuous relationship with China has far deeper roots than mere cheap goods.

I will not even pretend that I know how exactly how this relationship evolved, and yet taking a painful, closer look at my own consumer habits, shows me that I am, in part, a participant in the evolution of the "Made in China" label.

Despite the fact that I have been unemployed for the entire time I have been conducting this boycott, I still manage to consume more, well, crap, than I will ever need. I won't even use some of what I've purchased, but that was almost irrelevant to me when I went shopping.

I am a cheap shopper. Unless it is "urgent", I rarely buy anything that is not on sale. My whole day is better when I am able to buy something I "need" on sale AND I have a coupon for it!

The fact is, three bottle of shampoo, six black tops, ten pairs of jeans and an assortment of high heels I have only because I'm told women wear these awful things, ultimately sit under my bed, in my closet or on the floor until the next thing I buy forces me to find a new home for my old stuff.

I am not alone in this overconsumption. My stuff is a sign that I'm not as broke as I used to be, it's a sign of me, it's a sign of...it's a sign of a lot of things and it is part of the reason jobs in this country are headed overseas, where human beings in poorer countries make the stuff we buy inexpensive enough that we can have disposable everything.

I know my assertion that we all bear a part in the loss of jobs and the inferior quality of the things we buy will not win me many friends, but it is the truth as I see it.

I've tried the "blame big business", "blame the politicians", "blame the Chinese", "blame everyone but me" game and I just can't do it any longer.

Yes, there is a great deal of truth to the outrage that our government should have better regulations in place. Yes, it is true that big business is making ridiculous profits off of cheaper international labor, without passing the money on to the consumer. Yes, it is true that there are Chinese workers who work for a fraction of what most Americans are willing to work for.

These claims all have truth to them, but they also avoid the truth that at the end of the day, we are the consumers and we are the ones who are ultimately responsible for what we buy and how we use our money.

This boycott has been a far larger pain in my ass than I ever imagined it would be. It has frustrated me, caused fights, infuriated me, helped me feel alienated from people, even brought me to tears and yet the fact remains that I "need" very little of what I continue to buy and that there has always been other options for the things I "could not buy."

The fact remains that all over the world human beings like myself slave away in conditions I would never subject myself to, in order to bring me more and more crap at lower and lower prices so it can temporarily fill some void, some need in my life.

Pesticides and Birthday Cards

In the ongoing battle to not buy Chinese made products, I have discovered two unlikely items to be leery of, pesticides and greeting cards.

I discovered the pesticides while helping my mom do yard work. I was getting ready to apply weedkiller around her pool (something which the environmentalist in me was not pleased to be doing) when I noticed that the pump nozzle for this weedkiller was made in China.

In this particular case, I was spared from having to return the product (if that is even possible once you've opened it) because my mom was the one who paid for it, and despite my best efforts, she is, to say the least, disinterested in boycotting anything made in China.

What would she shop for, she asks me? I am cynically thinking that she wouldn't be able to shop for much!

At any rate, I had never considered that we would be unable to buy pesticides, or have to check the packaging of lawn care products prior to purchase. This was never an issue for us when we lived in Chicago and unfortunately, it does not get us out of yard work at my mom's.

When I pointed out to her where the nozzle was made, she told me, "Well, I bought the stuff, not you and I don't boycott stuff made in China, so go down to the pool and spray it on the weeds!"

Wow, it's tough to find compassion in this protest.

Apparently it is also necessary to check the origins of the greeting cards you are about to purchase. A friend of Luke's had warned me that an increasing amount of printed materials where being outsourced to China, but I must confess that until this particular day, I don't recall flipping over the card I was about to buy to see where it was made. Now it appears I will have to.

Good thing I did not put off buying that birthday card until the absolute last minute...I think I had about five minutes left to find a card before I had to leave the store and fortunately there were a few decent "Made in America" cards to choose from, so the birthday was not ruined.

(Aren't you happy to know about the effort I put into your birthday card, honey?)

Denying My Cats

Yes, folks, that's right! I am denying my cats as a result of this boycott.

We used to have this spiffy laser pointer, courtesy of Luke's mom, which the cats went nuts over. It was, in fact, the only way we could get Jezebella to exercise. Sahti is far more curious and will play with anything for 30 seconds and the laser pointer held her interest for several minutes or more!

The laser pointer died before we moved to the East Coast and we spent a few fleeting moments in between preparing for the big move, looking for a new one.

It would appear that they are all made in China.

Correction, all the cheap ones that run on batteries so small that they cost more than the laser pointer itself, are made in China.

We are now halfheartedly on the lookout for a laser pointer that takes AA or AAA batteries and is not made in China.

In the meantime, when Jezebella and Sahti are not driving me crazy by refusing to get along with Thomas, who is native to our new home and my most favorite cat, I feel guilty that I am depriving them of a toy they love and some hilarious entertainment for ourselves.

Crazy for a Cell Phone?

I may be one of the few holdouts in this country to say that a cell phone is not a necessary object. I rarely ever have mine on, when I can even remember to take it with me, and when it isn't with me, I rarely remember where I left it.

Having said all that, I lost my cell in Vegas while trying on the sweatshirt I bought Luke (it might have been poetic justice for coveting his old sweatshirt that I was hoping to replace with a new and improved "Not made in China" Vegas CSI one). I did not realize that I lost the phone until the next day as we were packing to leave and simultaneously tearing apart the hotel room in a desperate attempt to find this nonessential device.

It should have been no big deal that I lost it in the first place, after all, I rarely used it and I had been meaning to switch to a prepaid plan eventually.

But the fear set in! The, "What if our flight is late, how will Luke know?" or the "What if someone really important is trying to call me now?" or "What if I'm bored at the airport despite the three books I brought with me?" or, the original (?) reason for getting a cell in the first place, "What if my car breaks down late at night and I am surrounded by a pack of starving wolves in the wilderness of a major East Coast highway?" Whatever will I do?

It was so ridiculous! I drove cross country without a cell phone (after WonderTurtle and I parted ways) and did a zillion other everyday things without one...even broke down late at night several times without a cell phone.

Now, about to leave Vegas, I was angry and inconvenienced. Oh, and there is this damn boycott to consider!

It took me weeks to make up my mind about a prepaid phone and conversations ad nauseum with Luke about it. Before the boycott, I would have purchased the cheapest, shinniest red one without any regard for where it was made. Not so much luck this time.

Now, the fact that we live in a rather rural area, on top of a mountain off an interstate means that we get spotty coverage at best, unless you have a Boost mobile phone, as my lover does.
That would seem to solve the problem, right? Get a Boost phone and get over it.

Do I need to mention that they are all made in China? We discovered this by going above and beyond the rules of the boycott, which state that the packaging must declare where the product is made and/or reasonable efforts must made made to discern its origins. None of the exterior packaging stated where the Boost phones were made.

We discovered where they were made as the sales associate, who did not laugh at my dilemma, was calling Boost to see where the phone I was considering was made. To pass the time, I suggested that we look at the battery inside the phone. I promptly became angry at what I discovered. Irrelevant are the facts that I did not like the phone in the first place, I would rarely, if ever, use it in the basement where Luke's phone gets great coverage, and, oh, yeah, I don't need the damn thing in the first place!

Further investigation on my own consisted of calling Boost and discovering that all their phones are made in China. I was pleasantly surprised however, that the person helping me did not think my boycott was a laughing matter. This was not the case at the T-Mobile store. The salesperson there thought the concept was quite laughable. Offended, I left the store.

I wish I could say that I gave up the quest for a phone altogether, but that would be a lie.

I kept the search going for weeks (I think it helped me avoid thinking about the more serious issues in my life, such as finding a job!).

My sister offered to put me on her family plan where I knew I'd have coverage and a free phone, therefore not technically subject to the rules of the boycott, since I wasn't buying the phone.

Luke and I went to several stores looking for the elusive "Made in Mexico" or "Made someplace other than China" phone. We discussed my options late at night while lying in bed (and people think I'm a nympho!) we fought about it, or rather, I yelled at him a lot about it since he has a working, purchased before the boycott, made in China phone.

The entire situation was ridiculous! I wanted a red, prepaid flip phone made in Mexico or Korea and all I could find were red flip phones made in China or Taiwan (which I boycott and Luke does not) or a few castoff old phones made in Mexico or Korea that I did not like.

I am embarrassed to admit that in the end I did not have the guts, the wherewithal, the something to forgo the cell phone altogether. I think part of that is because I don't want to be seen as a bigger weirdo than I all ready am. Crazy boycott or not, I still crave some level of social acceptance...isn't that what drives consumerism in the first place?

I'm even more embarrassed to admit that I went back to the same T-Mobile store where I was laughed at and purchased my silver, prepaid, not a flip phone, there. I don't even really like this phone but, but, but it has the cheapest minutes even though it gets spotty coverage where I live and this salesperson was very helpful, if slightly amused at the boycott. I also got the car charger for free because I did enough research before hand to know that T-Mobile.com was giving away an additional $25 in air time if you bought a phone over the Internet. They didn't have the same deal at the store, but the manager was willing to give me the car charger for free, which is $25. The associate and I looked over the external packaging and checked the computer to see where the car charger was made and found nothing.

I left the store with a phone I don't like, the included $10 in air time, of which I've used less than half the minutes nearly a month later and a free car charger for my dying car that has "Made in China" sticker inconspicuously stuck inside the packaging. My phone is probably downstairs right now, I think, and I've made a whopping two calls on it since I bought it.

Did I do all of this for social acceptance?

Luke is Affected....

Or rather, he should have been affected if he was paying attention.

We had to take the car he uses in for the yearly inspection, something which is unheard of in Illinois, and the car needed new windshield wiper blades and a side light bulb and cover.

I took the phone call and agreed to have the work done and neither of us ever asked where the parts were made.

Perhaps this was just a mistake, but I suspect that that this makes us hypocrites because we vowed to check where everything was made and return it if it was made in China.

The most we've done is go to an auto parts store to see that the wiper blades there were made in Mexico or Belgium. Belgium? I thought they only made really great chocolate!

Oh the things I am learning!

Neither of us checked on the light thingy. It was just replaced yesterday.

Does Taiwan Count?

Luke and I have an ongoing debate, sometimes argument about the validity of banning Taiwan from our purchases this year.

I think any country that includes the words, "Republic of China" on its products deserves to be boycotted.

Luke asserts that Taiwan is no longer controlled by, politically connected with or vested in China.

I don't really care. If Uzbekistan wanted to slap the words, "Republic of China" or "R.O.C" on their goods, I feel that they should by boycotted by association this year.

I don't really know why he cares if we boycott Taiwan in the first place, since this boycott hardly affects him (unless I am in a rage about something I can't buy, then he bears the brunt of my frustrations!).

I am curious how others would see this, boycott or not? And if Taiwan is not in anyway vested in China, why are those letters on their goods?

Does anyone have any answers for me?

Butter...Jeans?

Why in the great green world would anyone name their jeans "Butter Jeans?"

I swear these jeans exist! I saw them at Nordstrom Rack when I was trying to find anything I could buy that was not made in China and would fill my longing to BUY SOMETHING!!!

The jeans are made in America with the following tag lines plastered all over the hang tags:

"Proud to Keep America Going."

"Made in USA: Pants for Real Women with Real Curves"

and a picture (in case you did not know what it looks like) of a stick of butter emblazoned with the words, "Buttery Softness".

Okay, I was thrilled that the jeans were made in America, not so thrilled and a bit horrified by the name, I mean, was I about to buy food or pants? I was also not thrilled with the way that they did not fit (too much butter consumption on my part?) even though they were, indeed, very soft.

I don't think "Cottage Cheese Jeans" would fair so well on the market, but DairyAir Jeans, if they were tight enough in the right places might sell like hotcakes.

Ohhh, I know Forbidden Chocolate super slim jeans for real American women who deny themselves the pleasures of actually eating chocolate, those might sell well!

Vegas, Baby....

....is made in China!

Okay, so the actual city of Las Vegas is not made in China, I almost need to believe that something so colossally difficult to absorb, so glitzy and contradictory must be made mostly in America.

The souvenirs are another story all together.

My mom and I went to Vegas for the first time last month, she for business and me for my birthday and this trip may have been one of the first endeavors where this China boycott is really paying off.

Perhaps I'm cheap, or ungrateful, but I don't understand spending your precious vacation time buying cheap trinkets for the people who stayed behind. Is it a subtle "in your face I went on vacation and you didn't?" Is it a sign that the person on vacation was really bored, or has too much money to spend? Or is a plastic, glow in the dark bendable shot glass from Death Valley really a gift that made you think of me? If so, please have amnesia on your next vacation!

As a general rule, I avoid buying souvenirs for people unless I really believe that it will somehow, even in a small way, enhance their lives. People usually only get stories as gifts from me when I travel.

My Vegas story is that almost every gift, every trinket, bauble and bendable shot glass is made in China. I was terribly frustrated for the few hours that I spent looking for useless "I went to Vegas and you didn't" gifts before it hit me that I had one hell of an excuse for not buying anything. Who is going to argue with, "I'm sorry I did not buy you anything on my trip, but I've got this boycott and my principles to stand by. And, heck, next time you go on vacation, feel free not to get me anything." It sounds like a win-win situation to me!

Ok, truth be told, I did buy Luke a "Vegas CSI" hoodie, which seems to have been desirable to everyone from other countries visiting Vegas.

I ignored the fact that we don't watch TV.

It is made in Pakistan and one of the few allowable trinkets, plus, he has this old blue hoodie from a vacation we went on in Florida many moons ago that I love, and he can't possibly wear both simultaneously.....

Oh, and I did leave him to house sit our three cats and my mom's dog by himself three days after we moved back to the East Coast. There was some guilt on my mind when I bought that gift!

When people from China go on vacation to other countries, do they bother buying the souvenirs if they are made in China?

Environmentally Friendly?

Before we moved, we decided that we were going to give these newfangled "environmentally friendly light bulbs" a shot. We justified the additional expense because they are supposed to outlast traditional light bulbs by several years, a savings for the environment and my wallet! How win-win!

I imagine this is the reason must people switch to these light bulbs, as it seems unlikely to me that friends and neighbors actually inquire about the types of light bulbs one uses; and until light bulbs come brandished with some easy to identify label, symbol or one word logo, only the really curious or really nosey visitors will be able to identify what is illuminating your living space.

I installed the light bulb and was instantly converted by the indoor sunshine radiating from our hallway lamp. It was like a rare sunny day in Chicago in the midst of winter! I wanted to buy dozens of them and give them as gifts to everyone who suffers from lack of sun or joy in their lives. Luke, who was nearly blinded by the new light source, was less enthusiastic.

For some ridiculous reason, I made a flippant remark about how it was a good thing we did not check where these bulbs were made. Perhaps it was out of curiosity (or spite) Luke leaped to the kitchen garbage can and eagerly scanned the discarded packaging.

Back to Walgreens went the light bulbs.

I've been on a vendetta, er, mission, ever since, to find "environmentally friendly light bulbs" which are made anywhere but in China. Visits to Lowe's, Home Depot, grocery stores, pharmacies, all have proved a failure.

Will someone, anyone, please explain to me how it is "environmentally friendly" to produce light bulbs halfway around the world and then consume massive amounts of fossil fuels and other natural resources to ship them to retailers all across America?

Will someone please explain to me why it is only the "environmentally friendly" light bulbs that are made in China? Regular light bulbs are still made somewhere in America.

What, exactly, does the term, "environmentally friendly" mean, anyway? Whose environment are we being friendly to in the first place? China does not have the environmental protection laws that we have here, so is there a chance that we are unwittingly buy a "green product" that blackens the Chinese environment?

Why else aren't these light bulbs made in America? It would seem the most "green" to me to make products as close to home as possible.

While I wait for answers, I dwell in a basement which would be far more invigorating if it were illuminated by the "environmentally friendly" natural sunshine in a light bulb!

Moving is HELL!

Dear Readers,

Please accept my sincere apologies for not writing sooner. The past month has been filled with the unique kind of hell that is moving.

I still can't find most of the things I own and I can't remember what it is I think I'm missing, so that makes me wonder why we put so much time and effort into acquiring "stuff" in the first place.

We moved in with a family member and most of our stuff is in storage or en route to storage once we figure out what lurks in the depths of the moving boxes. We rented a truck that was too big for all of our stuff and have argued quite a bit about what to keep and what to store and why the heck we have so much of it in the first place.

In keeping with the spirit of the boycott, we were able to re-use boxes from Timeless Toys in Chicago as well as from my former co-workers. People gave us packing tape and the tape gun as well as packing paper and so on.

The one thing we were unable to buy? Moving pads. The only moving pads Penske sold were made in China. Some fate must have been on our side however, because when we opened up the truck outside of our apartment, the previous renters had left 13 grey, scratchy, made in China moving pads behind.

What a blessing that was!

The Ultimate Test of My Willpower

In the three months that I have been enmeshed in this boycott, there have been a number of unforeseen snafus, as well as a few positive experiences.

This experience takes the prize for the worst, most frustrating and quite possibly most difficult challenge until January 1, 2008.

You are forewarned!

I was reading a blog from a friend which linked to another blog which then linked to some guy's blog about his sexploits, which may or may not be true; it really doesn't matter. The point is, the stories got me all aroused in the wee hours of the morning, which is all well and good except that my lover was at work.

So, being the sex loving, self-pleasing feminist that I am, I figured I would go to bed and take care of this intense desire myself.

Things were going along well, the pleasurable feelings were flowing...and then...and then...the unthinkable happened!

My most favorite vibrator, the steadfastly reliable Silver Bullet, became completely unreliable.

In fact, the f'ing thing died on me!

Right in the middle of things!

It died!

Now, I don't mean "the batteries are dead, gotta get out of bed with sticky fingers to find a new set" kind of died, I mean the "it ain't never gonna work again" kind of died!

At first I tried to tell myself that the Silver Bullet had a variable speed setting and the spurts and sputters were normal.

This was crap though and no matter how good things were feeling I couldn't bring myself to believe that line. I've had this trusty vibe for about five years now and it never spurted and sputtered.

This certainly was not the time for it to start now!

I was beside myself and the erotic desires of the moment were rapidly fading away, cackling at my intense misfortune.

Now, I am well aware of the fact that there are endless, non-vibrator induced ways of having an orgasm, but that was not what I was looking for at this particular moment!

I WANTED THE GODDAMN SILVER BULLET TO WORK AND I WANTED IT TO WORK NOW!!!!

It wasn't happening and neither was that orgasm.

Do I need to mention that this vibrator is made in China?

Isn't goddamn everything made in China?????

Well, no. The Fun Factory vibes are made in Germany but they cost about as much as a year's worth of batteries and as far as I know, they don't make the Silver Bullet! Besides, I have several others. The point is I wanted this one to work and it took the great and final sleep.

Worse than that, if I am going to adhere to this miserable boycott, I won't have a new one until January 1, 2008!!!!!!

I know second had/previously used purchases are OK, and I do consider myself to be an open-minded individual, but in this case, I'll hold out until I am the sole owner/user!

I'm beginning the countdown to a new vibrator, 'er, new year right now.....

A Big Friggin' Tiara

Hello! Did anyone miss me? I've been caught in a desperate vortex with getting ready to move and avoiding my birthday being the two largest usurpers of my time. I hope you will forgive me.

I'm going to be 30 on the 30th (my golden year...yippee) and to celebrate/flaunt/regress- I want a big friggin' tiara to wear all day long.

The only problem?

You guessed it!

Made in China!

Granted, I did not spend an enormous amount of time looking for the big friggin' tiara, but they seem as elusive as a unicorn, or as elusive as an item not made in China.

I spent about two hours in a mall in Northbrook, Illinois looking for a tiara, and the only place I could find them were at Claire's. I used to love that store when I was a wee teen, way back in my younger days. Now however, I am unable to purchase just about everything that they sell. All of the tiaras which would fit on my humble, goddess head were on the banned list. (As were the ones made for little girls, in case you were curious!)

My solution?

Why, Ebay of course!

In a matter of a half hour or so, I had managed to procure a rather decent looking tiara for less than $5 (remember, second hand purchases are ok) in the lovely town of Schamburg, which I am told is somewhere near Chicago.

The unfortunate part?

Either I changed my address at the post office too soon or the big friggin' tiara was not yet mailed and it appears that I will not have it in time for my birthday.

Now how the hell is the world supposed to know what is so special about me?

No Luck at Best Buy, Staples

Today we went looking for two seemingly random items.

1) A CD organizer

2) A laser pointer

As we are preparing to move, Luke seems to finally agree with me that it is a grand idea to put all of your CDs in a book or small organizer instead of in all those damn plastic cases. I wish he had this epiphany last year. Every single possible combination we could come up with for organizing CDs were made in China; the zip up books, the secret agent lock boxes, even the clear sleeves that you can store in a 3 ring binder. Granted we only checked two stores so far, but the outlook isn't promising.

In case you are wondering, my two year old child side did make an appearance when I proclaimed that it was about time he was effected by this boycott as well. I only said it once, with a smile on my face and then we moved on to trying to find the next random item.

We've been looking for a laser pointer for our cats since the one Luke's mom gave us at Thanksgiving died. Our cats go crazy for this toy and we find it hilarious to watch. It is also the only way to really get Jezebella to exercise (perhaps she looks at us with disdain, since we could use a lot of exercise ourselves!).

We were able to find a few laser pointers made in Taiwan, but we are specifically looking for one that takes AAA sized batteries or larger, since we don't want to spend more money on the ridiculously small batteries than we did on the pointer.

If anyone knows were to buy either of these items not made in China, I'd love to hear about it. Until then, the CDs will be a mess and our cats will look like shorter, hairier versions of our unexercised selves.

Cheers!

Buying Gifts for Friends

Monday I went to the Brookfield Zoo with my friend Adam. It was a beautiful day, which can be rare in Chicago in March. As far as the boycott goes, this was an uneventful day, until we went to the gift shops.

I've already ranted plenty about how everything is made in China, but this was my first experience putting my boycott into effect when buying something for someone who was right there with me. Adam and I like to buy small souvenirs of the places we visit, which is all well and good, until you limit what you can buy.

It's a good thing that he already knows about this project, because it was very embarrassing to look at something I wanted to buy him and have to admit, out loud, that no matter how much he liked it, I couldn't buy it. I was frustrated and repeatedly questioned myself about why I was doing this. Almost all of the trinkets were "off-limits" and with each new item I found that I thought he might like, it became increasingly difficult to admit to him that I couldn't buy it.

So much of how we interact with and judge other people is based upon what we can afford to purchase as well as the goods that we buy. Sometimes, admitting to not being able to buy something feels like a weakness, a personality flaw and a failure all rolled into one. These are never feelings I enjoy.

In the end, I was able to buy Adam a small sculpture of two elephants, his favorite zoo animal. This was made possible by the fact that the "where it was made" sticker/identifier was missing off of all of the little statues, therefore, there is no obvious proof that I may have committed a violation. The flexible pencils also were without identifying origins and the candy was made in America.

Since Luke and I are the only ones subject to this boycott, I think Adam had an easier time buying me a small aardvark toy, a key chain and the Monkeys in a Barrel game.

Sticking to your principals is difficult enough in private, it can me almost mortifying when others are around to witness it. This was not something I really considered when I came up with this idea.

Thank you Julie!

Sometimes inspiration comes in mysterious ways.

My inspiration to carry on with this questionably effective act of rebellion came in the form of a maraca.

Who knew maracas were made in China? Why do I continue to be surprised by where things are made?

My best friend delivered this cheap plastic (?) object to me when we met for dinner. The object was a parting party favor from Julie. Unfortunately I was not invited to the party, but I will attribute this oversight to the fact that I live a time zone away.

At any rate, Julie, who apparently reads this blog but does not leave comments, thought I would enjoy this subtle reminder that everything is made in China.

I must admit, had I not been informed that this was a Mexican themed party, I would have had to struggle to identify this object, as it looks far more like an old fashioned colored Christmas light bulb, the kind you screw in to a large metal socket. What separated the maraca from the light bulb was the oddly shaped pseudo-wooden handle projecting out of the base.

I tried to shake the weird green and brown object, to see if it made noise, and it fell apart in my hands.

If Krazy Glue isn't banned, maybe I will adhere the two pieces better so it will be easier for others to discern what it is.

In the meantime, the plastic, made in China maraca sits on my dresser as a reminder that I may not be changing the world, but some where people are reading this and at least having an elevated awareness about where their purchases and party toys are made.

Thanks for the inspiration Julie.

(When I move back to your time zone, do I get invited to the next party?)